Pass the beats to the left hand side.

It's almost been a year and a half since I last made a beat, partially, because I left all of my equipment at home. Before I had any form of "official" equipment, I was making beats in the back of my 7th and 8th grade class rooms with pencils. Some of my friends said I had some real talent and I should make a beat for an upcoming rap artist. So I went for it. I bought my fist Korg 16 beat padKontrol and music software and the rest is history. My beats would appear on Mix Tapes and the radio (98.3) and would circuit around mainline producers. Unfortunately, because of the filth that Hip-Hop was saturated in and still is, I decided I no longer wanted to contribute to their false message.

Picture taken Lamar Langston http://www.lamarlangston.com/

After receiving e-mails after e-mails of people asking me if I could please upload a beat, I decided to give a sample. This is rare for me to do because as the saying goes,"a magician never reveals his secret". Here is a video of me making a beat on the spot...



Its funny what inspired me to make a beat again, I was praying the Divine Office (Liturgy of the Hrs) and I ran across Rev 14:3, " They were singing a new hymn before the throne of God"... I was like, "I dont think God would mind having a beat to go along with their worship ? haha.

21st Birthday!

On May 3rd I celebrated my birthday by waking up to receive the best birthday gift ever; the Eucharist (Mass in the Log Chapel). Well actually I woke up at 7am in the morning to eat an omelet at South Dining Hall. But that is beside the point.

(Not actual picture of mass on my b day, but it works)

After 2 finals, I took a birthday nap. Followed the nap, Fr. Stephen aka the one who wrote the letter, Brendan, Braydn, Ben and I went to Polito’s Pizza.



And If you are wondering on whether or not I had a drink for my 21st Birthday... YES I DID! A water and a Sprite!

Followed by delicious pizza, we went to pay Fr. Kevin a visit...at Taco Bell?





If you are wondering why a priest was working at Taco Bell, its because he was raising money for scholarship at Holy Cross College...

Followed by Taco Bell, my birthday was topped off by another great present! Laking Kyle Gruber!!! The Men of Old College cornered Kyle Gruber and threw him in the Lake!!!


Kyle Gruber is the one in the middle with the white shirt!

Also, for those who have doubted that I have made the Old College Undergraduate Program a more urban place... Well...



Them sticking up OC gang signs for Old College.. Thanks to ME~ :)

One Swag at a time..

A return to Galilee...

Several weeks ago, Fr. Stephen Koeth C.S.C. aka the one wrote the letter, gave a homily reflecting this passage: (Mt 28:8-10)

Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went away quickly from the tomb,
fearful yet overjoyed,
and ran to announce the news to his disciples.
And behold, Jesus met them on their way and greeted them.
They approached, embraced his feet, and did him homage.
Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid.
Go tell my brothers to go to Galilee,
and there they will see me.”

Fr. Stephen alluded that the angel tells Mary’s to report back to the Apostles, telling them to return to Galilee, to where they first met and followed the Lord and sure enough, Matthew recounts: “Jesus met them on their way.” For some reason, I could not wrap my mind around this picture of Galilee. So I asked Fr. Stephen what is this Galilee that you speak of? Is it a physical place? He said, “To return to Galilee is to return to where the disciples first met the Lord, first became His friends, first fell in love with Him. We need to return to that place often - not a physical or even emotional place, but an existential and spiritual place - where we remain in the love of the Lord.”

This weekend I had another wonderful and unique opportunity to travel. I went to Grand Rapids, Michigan with two of my Old College brothers; Dan Cruickshank and Karl Romkema. Dan and I were asked to give a talk about Identity: Discovering who God is, and who WE ARE in light of who God is. Our identity is defined as a son or daughter of Christ, but what exactly does it mean to be a child of Christ?



I begin my testimony by answering the question that every participant asks when I give a talk: “I know what you all are thinking….how did a handsome guy like myself discern a call to the Holy Priesthood” after giggles and blushing, I reassure the young ladies, “Back off… It’s for Jesus.” Lol… However, I explicitly warned the teens that I am there to be real and if they are not going to be real with me-leave!

During my talk I asked a question, “If you ever felt unloved, come up to the front?” A lot of people came up, but this one girl in particular by the name of Becky caught my attention. She was wearing a bright green shirt, she was exceptionally short, and she had hearing aids; I looked her in the eyes and said, “Jesus loves you and I love you, do not be afraid to show your wounds… tears streamed down her pretty little cheeks, (at this point, Galilee started to make sense)



When you get a glimpse of the e-mails I receive and what I hear on a daily basis, you will understand why I am so passionate and persistent about getting young people to open their hearts to God. Sometimes I get asked why do you care so much about the youth? It’s simple. When kids tell me about the dilemmas they face growing up in this chaotic society, how can one NOT get passionate about the youth. These kids face divorce, suicide, cutting, rape, anger, violence, prejudice, drugs, and depression.

I then looked into Becky’s eyes and asked what if Jesus was afraid to show His wounds? She dropped her head and gave me a hug and whispered, “He will carry me.”



I am not one to give advice on serious issues as mentioned above but I do believe that listening and emotionally connecting with these kids who are suffering are the way to help heal some of them. This is the greatest lesson that I have learned from Jesus. He had the right idea. Weep with those who are weeping and rejoice with those who are rejoicing. Every time I am part of a retreat, my heart is challenged by the stories that the young people share with me. I learned that the best way to help people is to reveal your weakness and your struggles to them.

Only Divine Providence would allow something like this to happen; the last time I shared my testimony was exactly a year ago at Kairos on a Saturday and St. John Vianney youth group, so happened to be on the Kairos retreat this past weekend as well.

So what was this Galilee? When did I first encounter Christ? When did I first encounter the love of God? I first encountered God through the eyes of the suffering, lonely and joyful. I found that Galilee through the many people who shared the love of Christ with me. I am confident that I wouldn’t be the young man I am today without the great people who have been such an important part of my life. I gladly say, in the most humble way I can, “I am Ryan Ayala, a servant of God. I believe I am only becoming this man because of all of those people who believed in me.” I have encountered many people in my life: family, friends, youth group, fellow seminarians, priests, strangers, and adults and whether they knew it or not- put their hearts into what matters most to me, Jesus Christ. They believed in me no matter what and they challenged me no what matter or who I thought I was and I thank God for them”

Becky came up to me after the talk and said, “Thank you”. Little did she know, Christ used her to show me the way to Galilee and it was through her that I received that confidence in the Risen Lord that no matter what happens in my life or what I go through…“He will carry me”.

From the Hood' to the Wood'- A Journey to Minnesota

Who would have thought a city boy like myself would spend his spring break in Northern Minnesota? Saturday afternoon, Brian Kennedy, Andrew Lundquist and me departed from Notre Dame, Indiana. I had the wonderful opportunity to teach these boys how to push the whip aka drive a car with one hand, all while bumping Catholic Rap and Reggae music. I think they can agree, the trip from South Bend to Culvers in Wisconsin, was quite the experience. A STREET LESSON LEARNED.

After 8hrs of driving, we finally made it to St. Paul Minnesota!!!!!! It was in St. Paul Minnesota that we stayed at BK’s friend’s apartment located on the campus of St. Thomas University. It was a time filled with Hookah smoking, Mario Kart 64, and late night ice cream. The following day, we had the privilege of going to mass at the Cathedral of St. Paul…

Andrew and I in front of the Cathedral...

We also made a quick pit stop at the Basilica of Saint Mary’s. Ohhh what a wonderful experience.



We were then off for an additional three hr drive to Pequot Lakes, Minnesota where we arrived in BK’s hood’, I mean wood’. His mom made us Mexican food hmmmm (It seems like I can never escape the Mexican culture, I can be as far north as possible and they seem to follow me wherever I go).

The following day, Brian and I went for a three mile run around lakes. It was pretty strange to see trucks on frozen lakes, while fishing, is that even legal?... Later on that night, I finally got to experience an official bonfire in the middle of the woods.

Tuesday, we polished up the .22 Long Rifles and shot at empty cans and beer bottles…


Saving Private Ryan?..
And Shepherds we shall be, For thee, my Lord, for thee.Power hath descended forth from Thy hand, Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.So we shall flow a river forth to Thee And teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti.





We also took a day trip to The College of Saint Benedict and Saint John's University, where we had the privilege to pray midday prayer with the monks and eat lunch with Fr. Don Tolofus,. He reassured us that "the people around us can tell you a lot about your vocation”.

I also had the opportunity to see the ugliest statue in the history of the Catholic Church. St. John the Baptist-




*hint hint* If I ever become a Saint make sure my statue is “COOL” please make sure I have my hat on, with some Adidas shoes, with a lil lean in my swag thanks.

Anyways, Friday we headed off for an additional 2hr drive to Duluth, Minnesota right off the coast of Lake Superior. This was officially the farthest north I had ever traveled and it was quite the experience. How many people can say they stood on Lake Superior?...



After touring the beautiful city of Duluth, we made an additional 2hr drive to Biwabik, Minnesota, where BK’s family invited us for a weekend stay in a 3 story condo at Village Giants Ridge Ski Resort.



Saturday noon, I took a giant leap of faith- actually I took a giant leap in snow. I went Cross Country Skiing...



This was before I went face first into the snow.. lol. I am a city boy, dont hate.


We ended our so call “pilgrimage” with a twelve hour drive back to ND, where we concluded the trip with mass given by Fr. Stephen Koeth C.S.C. aka He wrote the letter, aka, Ad Orientum. What is the lesson learned? The LORD said to Abram: "Go forth from the land of your kinsfolk and from your father's house to a land that I will show you. I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you and curse those who curse you. All the communities of the earth shall find blessing in you."Abram went as the LORD directed him, and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he left Haran. (Genesis 12:1-4)

I love this passage from Genesis because one sees how Abraham did not hesitate to open up his arms to receive God’s blessings. Oftentimes, we fail to recognize that God wants to bless us with endless opportunities but before we can receive such blessings we have to be willing to take that step out into faith and go wherever he calls us to. We must be willing to go without hesitation like Abraham did. For me it was going to Minnesota to experience another part of the world.

But there is something else to consider here also, Abraham did not just step out in faith to receive a blessing; he stepped out in faith to be a blessing. How often do we refuse to be a blessing to others because we don’t want to step outside of our comfort zones? Let me reassure you, I am city boy, something like skiing or living in the middle of the woods is something that I am not used to. Wearing snow boots-aint my thang, I am use to chucks or Adidas. However, I am well aware that I have a lot of people back in AZ who will never get the opportunity to see different parts of the world because of their social or financial status, so I am hoping that I can be a bit of hope for them.

Faith isn’t about comfort. And until we begin to understand this we will not reap the full measure of God’s blessing. Let us always be attentive to God’s call in our lives and remind ourselves that we are called to be blessed and be a blessing even if that means being uncomfortable.



Peace

Swag in the seminary?

Everyone is aware of the unfortunate shortage in the priesthood that has taken place in the Catholic Church for the past 40 years but how about the real unfortunate shortage of swag in the Catholic seminaries?
I was eating lunch the other day with some random people and one of them said, “Hey you are the one who brought swag into the seminary, right?” I said, “Absolutely. Jesus gave me my swag”. For those who are not too familiar with the term “swag”:

Swag: su-w’agg
Verb, noun, adverb, adjective [swӕg]
1. Using the gift, talents and style Jesus has given you to proclaim His kingdom.
2. Appearance, confidence, and the way you represent yourself.
3. Being Joyful
Middle English, from Old French, from Latin swagger, swaggin.

One of the great saints I admire is St. Benedict Biscop who died around 690 AD. He was a Benedictine monk who spent most of his time as a builder an architect. In his travels throughout Europe to complete the monasteries he was asked to design he had the unique opportunity for a monk at the period of time to become familiar with popular culture and was one of the first to introduce chant to the Western monastic experience. I'd like to think that if he were alive today he'd use his style and popularity with modern culture to preach the kingdom of God, though not being part of the culture but simply being of the culture. Along with other notable saints: Saints Cecila, St. Gregory the Great, Pope St. Leo the Great, St. Francis of Assisi, St. Odo of Cluny also used their own gifts and talents to bring the message of Christ.

All throughout the history of the Saints (Not New Orleans Saints, but congrats anyways) God has called us to love, discern, and bring the message of salvation in our own personalities. If discerning a vocation to the priesthood is simply about being molded into what they want you to become, I’m not interested. I am ready for a Catholicity that is dangerous, adventurous, and orthodox and surpasses the poison of dullness. My first week at Holy Cross, my friend introduced me to one of his friends and said, “ I want you to meet Ryan, he is in the seminary with me” she stepped back and looked at me up and down and hesitantly said, “ hi”. I do not know if she was in a hurry or surprised or scared or angry that a seminarian was wearing a hat with adidas shoes, who walked with a small limp. But I can guarantee that I did not fit the mold of what she thought a seminarian should look like. But, that's OK. - Jesus didnt fit the mold either.

I come to understand that the Christian life is more than finding Jesus- it is following Jesus and His church. It is following Jesus to the fullest. Jesus Christ knew how to play as well as pray; how to laugh as well as to cry; how to be serious about life but not take himself too serious. It means following Jesus through the joyful times and yes even to Calvary. I once heard that God tells you and me that “I can make last place more significant than first place. I will use prostitutes to teach others about gratitude. I will use lepers as examples of cleanliness. I will take the dead and give them life. I will take uneducated fishermen and make them fishers of men.” And yes I will take Ryan Ayala and give him swaggg..

Do not be afraid to be who you are and have confident that God gave you personality, gifts and talents for a reason. St. Paul tells us in Romans 12: 4-5, “For in as one body we have many parts, and all the parts do not have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ and individually parts of one another.” I know on this journey of faith, I will get people who do not like my style or not like how I do things but my message is clear, if you don’t like how I do it, then you do it! It’s that simple. For Jesus reminds us in Matthew 10:14, “Whoever will not receive you or listen to your words--go outside that house or town and shake the dust from your feet.”

In conclusion, St. Jose Marie Escriva reminds us that, “we are only dumb clumsy instruments in the hand of God” and the job is too never bring people closer to us but to bring people closer to Jesus Christ. John 3:30 says, “He must decrease, I must increase”. It means looking at ourselves for who we really are and without excuses, realizing that we are hardly worth anything, it is until we open ourselves to God’s greatness: that we find it is there where our greatness lies.

Jesus gave me my swag.

Pro-Life March in D.C.

Thursday evening I was on my way to join four hundred students from Notre Dame, Holy Cross College, and St. Mary’s to a yearly event held in Washington, D.C. ….THE PRO-LIFE MARCH! As I got off the subway station, I looked behind me and realize,” I am at the capitol.” It was such an unreal experience for me because this is one of those places, I never thought I would be. Even more fascinating, I got to experience this place with nine of my Old College brothers, including my assistant rector Fr. Stephen Koeth from New York aka "Dont blame me, I wrote the letter"..



Not only was the Notre Dame community in attendance but also half a million other faithful pro-lifers...



One of the most interesting pro-life signs I saw at the march was this lady holding up a baby crucified…



So as we continued our march singing and praying the Rosary-really enjoying ourselves we finally made it to the Supreme Court!....



It was by far one of the craziest and energetic experiences I have ever been a part of. I am also happy to say that recent polls have showed that pro-lifers are the majority! Thanks be to God! The Catholic message is clear, “from conception to Natural Death” period! I pray that people from every nation, including ours maybe able to see and witness the beauty of all human life and that human life is a gift from God!

The following day, I went with Brennden, Colleen, Sydnie and Nicole to travel the monuments! The day was filled with subways, eating, walking, chatting and having a great time! I am so glad to have made new friends that I can cherrish these precious moments with!

He met Jesus in Jail

Imagine being away from your family at the age of 16 for a crime against the ones you love. Imagine being in juvenile jail with no contact with the outside world or your family for days, weeks, even months. Imagine sleeping on a metal bed sheet and having it to call it your bed. Byron, jake, and keshawn take me through their stores.

I was nervous my first day volunteering at the juvenile prison not because of the kids who might be there (I practically grew up with friends who went to prison) but because the Holy Spirit was using me to bring the message of Christ into a place where most people would dread to go. Now, however you feel about teens being in prison or “DO THE CRIME DO THE TIME” theory, it doesn’t change the fact that we as Catholic Christians should recall Matthew 25:36, "I was in prison and you came to visit me"… It doesn’t change the fact that we as Catholic Christians have a corporal works of mercy obligation to fulfill. It doesn’t change the fact that we as Catholic Christians are the light of the world and are called to bring hope to people’s lives. I decided to take on this challenge.

Every Sunday after Mass, I head over to the Indiana Juvenile Correctional Facility and wait for whoever is interested in talking about faith. Being the urban teens that they are, some take it as a joke or some don’t really care. We start off with a prayer and read the Roman Catholic Lectionary for Sundays Liturgy. They still chuckle away and get distracted of the other inmates throwing them signs and laughing at them for going to a bible study. I switch the gears of the group and look them in the eyes and say,” just because you had a hard life doesn’t make you better than me, I am just like you, I have sinned and now I need a savior.”….. “Let’s cut the mushy stuff, let me hear your story.”… So they begin… Possession of an armed weapon, running away, smoking marijuana, divorced parents, fighting in school, gang affiliations, holding their best friends life in their hands as they watch him die from a shot to the head…. They tell me with tear filled eyes,” all I want is for God to love me and forgive me”… After we talk about how merciful our God truly is and how much he loves them, they sense a little peace.

So what’s the difference between me (you) and them?......NOTHING! Every time we sin, we cuff our hearts close, we close that cell to our mind and we sleep on spiritual metal bed sheet and all we yearn for is the *key* savior. All we yearn for is peace and freedom in the heart of Christ. I’ve realized in this world there are many people who have eyes that cannot see and it will be the darkness that leads them to the light. I saw my own captivity through the stories of these juveniles but I also experienced my freedom in Jesus through these kids. Praise be to God, that he continues to reveal Himself through the daily experiences.

PS I am no way trying to promote releasing Juveniles into society without proper disciplinary actions for their consequences. However, I am trying to challenge you to be more aware of Jesus in your daily life.